The Longlease Bernese Mountain Dogs

Page of Humour!

If you have any fun pics or stories that just make you smile please send them along:
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Christmas 2014





The Dangers of using Berners to breed Designer Dogs

with thanks to Enena for this fun pic






Berner in Tree



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"Arrow the dog is making headlines after being trapped in a tree. Apparently, the Bernese Mountain Dog loves to climb trees. Late last week, “Arrow” climbed a little too high and got stuck. City Police, Fire, and Bylaw officers were called to the scene to help free “Arrow” who was 8-9 feet up. Smaller branches were cut away while two officers supported the dog. The Jaws of Life had to be used to free the dog’s head. The dog sensing it was about to free started moving around causing it to fall out of the tree. A firefighter managed to catch him in time. Arrow was happy and uninjured. When CHAT went to get some shots of Arrow today, the dog was perched in his favorite tree!"


Do Berners Shed?

I think Brenda Berkin's photo has the indisputable evidence. Michael O' Hara








They are really good... They were successful with me .. after only a very few tries at each of these “tricks”
... Michael O’Hara




Dog for Sale!

Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch below!




Dog For Sale Free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.


Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew Jethro only by his Oriental street name, Ho Lee Schitt.




Keep your mouth closed!






PORK CHOPS?





In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger, after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment.
Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??

Take a look...








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Now, please tell me one more time...... Why can't the rest of the world get along?



Two of the greatest qualities in life are:

Patience

and

Wisdom








PLEASE HURRY......... GOTTA GO!!!!!!!!!






The Duckling and the Puppy




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for the video clip of these critturs at play!:-))




Why Dogs Bite Their Owners!


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Happy Halloween!


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The Kiss

He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, and then continued to fight the fire.

She is pregnant.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this photograph.


The Kiss

And people say animals are dumb

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY !!!!!



Strange Puppy


One of the pups in a breeder's litter of collies had a strange appetite,

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fostered no doubt, because the dog fancier's kennel was deep in the southern United States.

The odd youngster spurned regular dog food,
no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits.



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Just in time to save the little dog's life, the owner found he would eat nothing but melons.

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He doted on them.

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His brother pups could not understand this and they teased him unmercifully.

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He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.

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His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her

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She said




"Come to me,

my Melon....... collie......... baby."


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Snoring

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, by God ... We took first and second place."




Warning: UK bird flu - first victim confirmed

Bird 'Flu




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How to tell you're speeding!


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"You're Driving Too Fast Again!"



Gonna be a bear next time!



New Use for the x- pen

Herb Baker in his X-Pen protecting himself from all the dogs after knee surgery


Herb in his x - pen



Pooper Scooper

with thanks to Willem Wijnberg



Pooper Scooper



Beautiful Blonde pole dancer

With thanks to Herb Baker


Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer



Best Positions in Bed


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These Speak for themselves!


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For more Longlease Bernese Mountain Dogs Humour

Page 1 *Page 2 *Page 3 *Page 4*
*Christmas Humour*




*Samson's Story *My Gang *Sunny,Simmy,Barney,Pixie,Herb *Friend's Gallery *In Loving Memory*
*Histio Roll Call *Berner Veterans *Bernese Art *Berner Fun Stuff *Berner Articles & Info*

*Berner Shop *Longlease Links. *Humour. *Guestbook. *Berner Fundraisers *LostandFound*
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